Today I’ve been feeling discomfort and pain in my pelvic region. This is common for me and often manifests as stiffness and tenderness in my hip movements. About a year ago, my first ovarian cyst burst sent me to the hospital, and I dealt with callous doctors and nurses as I waited upwards of 9 hours to be told what I already knew, that I had a cyst burst, my ovary had not rotated and that I should take it easy as I recovered. The only piece of information that I gained from my visit was that I have fibroids and that my uterus “made them for no reason”. I left that day somehow feeling deflated, grateful and also full of grief. I’ve been feeling into my grief over the past year but particularly today. I noticed that I’ve been feeling that discomfort in waves with my cycle and thought to look into endometriosis because I desperately wanted an answer to what my doctor had brushed away as “no reason”. Doing so sent my body into panic, I felt lightheaded and nauseated seeing how industrialized medicine saw fit to treat my body. I have had this reaction before to stories of medical injury of the uterus but it was the first time in a long time I had touched that wound so directly. I recognized there were very few days that I did not feel some discomfort in my uterus. I recognized how my own dis-ease was more than just a reflection of the Earth’s and that I carried through my body the echo of an abuse that has origins well beyond this lifetime. I went outside and put my bare feet on the dirt as the clouds broke and the sun shined on me. I wept deeply for myself, for my ancestors, and for the Earth holding my uterus as I did. When I spoke, I spoke to us all as one. “I’m sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve this. You deserve to feel safe in your body. You can be healed and I will heal you.” I saw a large spider checking her web and a ladybug close by, symbols of balanced feminine energy and good luck. Going back in, I saw 222 on the clock and felt so much gratitude to know that I am held by my guides in the process of healing the wound my ancestors could not. I know that other women and uterus owners know this pain deep in their bodies even if it has not manifested as an illness. I share this experience with you because I believe that holistic healing includes my community. Whoever and wherever you are, if you resonate with this experience, I want you to know that I feel our pain and I hold space for us. I’m sorry for what happened to you, you did not deserve it and you deserve to feel safe in your body. I love you, and I pray for our collective healing.
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